少年维特的烦恼-第28章

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not　yet　e：　I　feel　it　is　not。　O　Wilhelm，　how　willingly　could　I　abandon
my　existence　to　ride　the　whirlwind，　or　to　embrace　the　torrent！　and　then
might　not　rapture　perchance　be　the　portion　of　this　liberated　soul　？

　　I　turned　my　sorrowful　eyes　toward　a　favourite　spot，　where　I　was　accustomed
to　sit　with　Charlotte　beneath　a　willow　after　a　fatiguing　walk。　Alas　！
it　was　covered　with　water　，　and　with　difficulty　I　found　even　the　meadow。
And　the　fields　around　the　hunting…lodge　，　thought　I。　Has　our　dear　bower
been　destroyed　by　this　unpitying　storm？　And　a　beam　of　past　happiness
streamed　upon　me，　as　the　mind　of　a　captive　is　illumined　by　dreams　of
flocks　and　herds　and　bygone　joys　of　home！　But　I　am　free　from　blame。　I
have　courage　to　die　！　Perhaps　I　have　，——　but　I　still　sit　here　，　like
a　wretched　pauper　，　who　collects　fagots，　and　begs　her　bread　from　door
to　door　，　that　she　may　prolong　for　a　few　days　a　miserable　existence　which
she　is　unwilling　to　resign。

　　DECEMBER　15。　What　is　the　matter　with　me　，　dear　Wilhelm　？　I　am　afraid
of　myself　！　Is　not　my　love　for　her　of　the　purest　，　most　holy，　and　most
brotherly　nature？　Has　my　soul　ever　been　sullied　by　a　single　sensual　desire？
but　I　will　make　no　protestations。　And　now　，　ye　nightly　visions　，　how
truly　have　those　mortals　understood　you　，　who　ascribe　your　various　contradictory
effects　to　some　invincible　power！　This　night　I　tremble　at　the　avowal
——　I　held　her　in　my　arms，　locked　in　a　close　embrace：　I　pressed　her
to　my　bosom　，　and　covered　with　countless　kisses　those　dear　lips　which
murmured　in　reply　soft　protestations　of　love。　My　sight　became　confused
by　the　delicious　intoxication　of　her　eyes。　Heavens！　is　it　sinful　to　revel
again　in　such　happiness　，　to　recall　once　more　those　rapturous　moments
with　intense　delight？　Charlotte！　Charlotte！　I　am　lost！　My　senses　are
bewildered，　my　recollection　is　confused，　mine　eyes　are　bathed　in　tears
——　I　am　ill　；　and　yet　I　am　well——　I　wish　for　nothing　——　I　have
no　desires——　it　were　better　I　were　gone。

　　Under　the　circumstances　narrated　above，　a　determination　to　quit　this
world　had　now　taken　fixed　possession　of　Werther's　soul。　Since　Charlotte's
return，　this　thought　had　been　the　final　object　of　all　his　hopes　and　wishes
；　but　he　had　resolved　that　such　a　step　should　not　be　taken　with　precipitation，
but　with　calmness　and　tranquillity，　and　with　the　most　perfect　deliberation。

　　His　troubles　and　internal　struggles　may　be　understood　from　the　following
fragment，　which　was　found，　without　any　date　，　amongst　his　papers　，
and　appears　to　have　formed　the　beginning　of　a　letter　to　Wilhelm。

　　〃Her　presence　，　her　fate　，　her　sympathy　for　me，　have　power　still
to　extract　tears　from　my　withered　brain。

　　〃One　lifts　up　the　curtain　，　and　passes　to　the　other　side　，——　that
is　all！　And　why　all　these　doubts　and　delays？　Because　we　know　not　what
is　behind　——　because　there　is　no　returning——　and　because　our　mind
infers　that　all　is　darkness　and　confusion　，　where　we　have　nothing　but
uncertainty。〃

　　His　appearance　at　length　became　quite　altered　by　the　effect　of　his
melancholy　thoughts　；　and　his　resolution　was　now　finally　and　irrevocably
taken　，　of　which　the　following　ambiguous　letter，　which　he　addressed
to　his　friend　，　may　appear　to　afford　some　proof。

　　DECEMBER　2O。　I　am　grateful　to　your　love　，　Wilhelm，　for　having　repeated
your　advice　so　seasonably。　Yes，　you　are　right：　it　is　undoubtedly　better
that　I　should　depart。　But　I　do　not　entirely　approve　your　scheme　of　returning
at　once　to　your　neighbourhood　；　at　least　，　I　should　Iike　to　make　a　little
excursion　on　the　way，　particularly　as　we　may　now　expect　a　continued　frost，
and　consequently　good　roads。　I　am　much　pleased　with　your　intention　of
ing　to　fetch　me；　only　delay　your　journey　for　a　fortnight，　and　wait
for　another　letter　from　me。　One　should　gather　nothing　before　it　is　ripe，
and　a　fortnight　sooner　or　later　makes　a　great　difference。　Entreat　my　mother
to　pray　for　her　son　，　and　tell　her　I　beg　her　pardon　for　all　the　unhappiness
I　have　occasioned　her。　It　has　ever　been　my　fate　to　give　pain　to　those
whose　happiness　I　should　have　promoted。　Adieu　，　my　dearest　friend。　May
every　blessing　of　Heaven　attend　you　！　Farewell。

　　We　find　it　difficult　to　express　the　emotions　with　which　Charlotte's
soul　was　agitated　during　the　whole　of　this　time　，　whether　in　relation
to　her　husband　or　to　her　unfortunate　friend　；　although　we　are　enabled，
by　our　knowledge　of　her　character　，　to　understand　their　nature。

　　It　is　certain　that　she　had　formed　a　determination　，　by　every　means
in　her　power　to　keep　Werther　at　a　distance；　and，　if　she　hesitated　in
her　decision，　it　was　from　a　sincere　feeling　of　friendly　pity　，　knowing
how　much　it　would　cost　him，　indeed　，　that　he　would　find　it　almost　impossible
to　ply　with　her　wishes。　But　various　causes　now　urged　her　to　be　firm。
Her　hushand　preserved　a　strict　silence　about　the　whole　matter　；　and　she
never　made　it　a　subject　of　conversation　，　feeling　bound　to　prove　to　him
by　her　conduct　that　her　sentiments　agreed　with　his。

　　The　same　day，　which　was　the　Sunday　before　Christmas，　after　Werther
had　written　the　last…mentioned　letter　to　his　friend　，　he　came　in　the
evening　to　Charlotte's　house，　and　found　her　alone。　She　was　busy　preparing
some　little　gifts　for　her　brothers　and　sisters，　which　were　to　be　distributed
to　them　on　Christmas　Day。　He　began　talking　of　the　delight　of　the　children，
and　of　that　age　when　the　sudden　appearance　of　the　Christmas…tree，　decorated
with　fruit　and　sweetmeats　，　and　lighted　up　with　wax　candles，　causes
such　transports　of　joy。　〃You　shall　have　a　gift　too，　if　you　behave　well
，〃　said　Charlotte　，　hiding　her　embarrassment　under　sweet　smile。　〃And
what　do　you　call　behaving　well？　What　should　I　do　，　what　can　I　do，　my
dear　Charlotte？〃　said　he。　〃Thursday　night，〃　she　answered，　〃is　Christmas
Eve。　The　children　are　all　to　be　here，　and　my　father　too：　there　is　a
present　for　each；　do　you　e　likewise　，　but　do　not　e　before　that
time。〃　Werther　started。　〃I　desire　you　will　not：　it　must　be　so，〃　she
continued。　〃I　ask　it　of　you　as　a　favour　，　for　my　own　peace　and　tranquillity。
We　cannot　go　on　in　this　manner　any　longer。〃　He　turned　away　his　face　walked
hastily　up　and　down　the　room，　muttering　indistinctly　，　〃We　cannot　go
on　in　this　manner　any　longer！〃　Charlotte　，　seeing　the　violent　agitation
into　which　these　words　had　thrown　him　，　endeavoured　to　divert　his　thoughts
by　different　questions，　but　in　vain。　〃No　，　Charlotte！〃　he　exclaimed
；　〃I　will　never　see　you　any　more　！〃　〃And　why　so　？〃　she　answered。　〃We
may　——　we　must　see　each　other　again　；　only　let　it　be　with　more　discretion。
Oh！　why　were　you　born　with　that　excessive，　that　ungovernable　passion
for　everything　that　is　dear　to　you？〃　Then，　taking　his　hand，　she　said，
〃I　entreat　of　you　to　be　more　calm　：　your　talents　，　your　understanding，
your　genius　，　will　furnish　you　with　a　thousand　resources。　Be　a　man　，
and　conquer　an　unhappy　attachment　toward　a　creature　who　can　do　nothing
but　pity　you。〃　He　bit　his　lips，　and　looked　at　her　with　a　gloomy　countenance。
S