[科幻]宿主-第111章

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His　words　troubled　me；　and　I　followed　him　in　silence。　Why　should　gallantry　apply　to　me？　
He　walked　all　the　way　to　the　cornfield；　and　then　into　the　cornfield；　stepping　in　the　low　part　of　the　furrow；　


between　the　stalks。　I　trailed　behind　him　until　he　stopped；　somewhere　in　the　middle　of　the　field；　set　the　


dishes　aside；　and　sprawled　out　on　the　dirt。　
“Well；　this　is　out　of　the　way；”　I　said　as　I　settled　to　the　ground　beside　him；　crossing　my　legs。　“But　
shouldn’t　we　be　working？”

　“You　work　too　hard；　Wanda。　You’re　the　only　one　who　never　takes　a　day　off。”　
“It　gives　me　something　to　do；”　I　mumbled。　
“Everyone　is　taking　a　break　today；　so　you　might　as　well。”　
I　looked　at　him　curiously。　The　light　from　the　mirrors　threw　double　shadows　through　the　cornstalks　that　


crisscrossed　over　him　like　zebra　stripes。　Under　the　lines　and　the　dirt；　his　pale　face　was　weary。　
“You　look　like　you’ve　been　working。”　
His　eyes　tightened。　“But　I’m　resting　now。”　
“Jamie　won’t　tell　me　what’s　going　on；”　I　murmured。　
“No。　And　neither　will　I。”　He　sighed。　“It’s　nothing　you　want　to　know　anyway。”　
I　stared　at　the　ground；　at　the　dark　purple　and　brown　dirt；　as　my　stomach　twisted　and　rolled。　I　could　


think　of　nothing　worse　than　not　knowing；　but　maybe　I　was　just　lacking　in　imagination。　
“It’s　not　really　fair；”　Ian　said　after　a　silent　moment；　“seeing　as　I　won’t　answer　your　question；　but　do　you　


mind　if　I　ask　you　one？”　
I　weled　the　distraction。　“Go　ahead。”　
He　didn’t　speak　at　once；　so　I　looked　up　to　find　the　reason　for　his　hesitation。　He　was　staring　down　now；　


looking　at　the　dirt　streaked　across　the　backs　of　his　hands。　
“I　know　you’re　not　a　liar。　I　know　that　now；”　he　said　quietly。　“I’ll　believe　you；　whatever　your　answer　is。”　
I　waited　again　while　he　continued　to　stare　at　the　dirt　on　his　skin。　
“I　didn’t　buy　Jeb’s　story　before；　but　he　and　Doc　are　pretty　convinced。…　Wanda？”　he　asked；　looking　up　


at　me。　“Is　she　still　in　there　with　you？　The　girl　whose　body　you　wear？”　


　

　He　nodded　slowly。　“What　is　it　like？　For　you？　For　her？”

　“It’s…　frustrating；　for　us　both。　At　first　I　would　have　given　anything　to　have　her　disappear　the　way　she　
should　have。　But　now　I…　I’ve　gotten　used　to　her。”　I　smiled　wryly。　“Sometimes　it’s　nice　to　have　the　
pany。　It’s　harder　for　her。　She’s　like　a　prisoner　in　many　ways。　Locked　away　in　my　head。　She　prefers　
that　captivity　to　disappearing；　though。”

　“I　didn’t　know　there　was　a　choice。”

　“There　wasn’t　in　the　beginning。　It　wasn’t　until　your　kind　discovered　what　was　happening　that　any　
resistance　started。　That　seems　to　be　the　key—knowing　what’s　going　to　happen。　The　humans　who　were　
taken　by　surprise　didn’t　fight　back。”

　“So　if　I　were　caught？”

　I　appraised　his　fierce　expression—the　fire　in　his　brilliant　eyes。

　“I　doubt　you　would　disappear。　Things　have　changed；　though。　When　they　catch　full…grown　humans　now；　
they　don’t　offer　them　as　hosts。　Too　many　problems。”　I　half　smiled　again。　“Problems　likeme。　Going　soft；　
getting　sympathetic　to　my　host；　losing　my　way…”

　He　thought　about　that　for　a　long　time；　sometimes　looking　at　my　face；　sometimes　at　the　cornstalks；　
sometimes　at　nothing　at　all。

　“What　would　they　do　with　me；　then；　if　they　caught　me　now？”　he　finally　asked。

　“They’d　still　do　an　insertion；　I　think。　Trying　to　get　information。　Probably　they’d　put　a　Seeker　in　you。”

　He　shuddered。

　“But　they　wouldn’t　keep　you　as　a　host。　Whether　they　found　the　information　or　not；　you　would　be…　
discarded。”　The　word　was　hard　to　say。　The　idea　sickened　me。　Odd—it　was　usually　the　human　things　that　
made　me　sick。　But　I’d　never　looked　at　the　situation　from　the　body’s　perspective　before；　no　other　planet　
had　forced　me　to。　A　body　that　didn’t　function　right　was　quickly　and　painlessly　disposed　of　because　it　was　
as　useless　as　a　car　that　could　not　run。　What　was　the　point　of　keeping　it　around？　There　were　conditions　of　
the　mind；　too；　that　made　a　body　unusable：　dangerous　mental　addictions；　malevolent　yearnings；　things　that　
could　not　be　healed　and　made　the　body　unsafe　to　others。　Or；　of　course；　a　mind　with　a　will　too　strong　to　
be　erased。　An　anomaly　localized　on　this　planet。

　I　had　never　seen　the　ugliness　of　treating　an　unconquerable　spirit　as　a　defect　as　clearly　as　I　did　now；　
looking　into　Ian’s　eyes。

　“And　if　they　caughtyou？　”　he　asked。

　“If　they　realized　who　I　was…　if　anyone　is　still　looking　for　me…”　I　thought　of　my　Seeker　and　shuddered　
as　he　had。　“They　would　take　me　out　and　put　me　in　another　host。　Someone　young；　tractable。　They　would　

　

　“Would　you　be　yourself　again？”

　I　met　his　gaze。　“Iam　myself。　I　haven’t　lost　myself　to　Melanie。　I　would　feel　the　same　as　I　do　now；　even　as　
a　Bear　or　a　Flower。”

　“They　wouldn’tdiscard　you？”

　“Not　a　soul。　We　have　no　capital　punishment　for　our　kind。　Or　any　punishment；　really。　Whatever　they　did；　
it　would　be　to　save　me。　I　used　to　think　there　was　no　need　for　any　other　way；　but　now　I　have　myself　as　
proof　against　that　theory。　It　would　probably　be　right　to　discard　me。　I’m　a　traitor；　aren’t　I？”

　Ian　pursed　his　lips。　“More　of　an　expatriate；　I’d　say。　You　haven’t　turned　on　them；　you’ve　just　left　their　
society。”

　We　were　quiet　again。　I　wanted　to　believe　what　he　said　was　true。　I　considered　the　wordexpatriate；　
trying　to　convince　myself　that　I　was　nothing　worse。

　Ian　exhaled　loudly　enough　to　make　me　jump。　“When　Doc　sobers　up；　we’ll　get　him　to　take　a　look　at　your　
face。”　He　reached　over　and　put　his　hand　under　my　chin；　this　time　I　didn’t　flinch。　He　turned　my　head　to　the　
side　so　he　could　examine　the　wound。

　“It’s　not　important。　I’m　sure　it　looks　worse　than　it　is。”

　“I　hope　so—it　looks　awful。”　He　sighed　and　then　stretched。　“I　suppose　we’ve　hidden　long　enough　that　
Kyle’s　clean　and　unconscious。　Want　some　help　with　the　dishes？”

　Ian　wouldn’t　let　me　wash　the　dishes　in　the　stream　the　way　I　usually　did。　He　insisted　that　we　go　into　the　
black　bathing　room；　where　I　would　be　invisible。　I　scrubbed　dishes　in　the　shallow　end　of　the　dark　pool；　
while　he　cleaned　off　the　filth　left　behind　by　his　mystery　labors。　Then　he　helped　me　with　the　last　of　the　dirty　
bowls。

　When　we　were　done；　he　escorted　me　back　to　the　kitchen；　which　was　starting　to　fill　up　with　the　lunch　
crowd。　More　perishables　were　on　the　menu：　soft　white　bread　slices；　slabs　of　sharp　cheddar　cheese；　
circles　of　lush　pink　bologna。　People　were　scarfing　down　the　delicacies　with　abandon；　though　the　despair　
was　still　perceptible　in　the　slump　of　their　shoulders；　in　the　absence　of　smiles　or　laughter。

　Jamie　was　waiting　for　me　at　our　usual　counter。　Two　double　stacks　of　sandwiches　sat　in　front　of　him；　but　
he　wasn’t　eating。　His　arms　were　folded　as　he　waited　for　me。　Ian　eyed　his　expression　curiously　but　left　to　
get　his　own　food　without　asking。

　I　rolled　my　eyes　at　Jamie’s　stubbornness　and　took　a　bite。　Jamie　dug　in　as　soon　as　I　was　chewing。　Ian　
was　back　quickly；　and　we　all　ate　in　silence。　The　food　tasted　so　good　it　was　hard　to　imagine　a　reason　for　
conversation—or　anything　else　that　would　empty　our　mouths。

　I　stopped　at　two；　bu